Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

I wonder who or what this poem makes you think about.  Maybe someone you know, or maybe yourself.

It was written about a woman who felt stuck in a pattern of behaviour in terms of bad relationships. By the end of the poem she has taken responsibility for the choices she has made and decided to make changes.

On reading it, I thought it might be relevant to many people who feel stuck in a pattern of behaviour, from not being able to stop smoking or overeating, to feeling trapped, or even being depressed.

Counselling can help you work through unhelpful patterns of behaviour, and once you start seeing things differently you may realise that there is a way out of that vicious circle.

Anyway, here it is. See what you think.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless ...
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

What does your mask look like?

As Halloween approaches, I was just thinking about about what it is that people might fear the most.  A few things sprung to mind, things like spiders, flying, thunderstorms and heights. But one thing struck me as something that people may be afraid of but not realise it. Themselves.

I would say on varying levels a lot of us are facing this fear; afraid of being seen by others. In order to prevent our inner self from being seen, we might hide it by wearing a metaphorical mask when we are with others. But the mask we wear hides not only the things we think are bad, but also the beauty of who we truly are.

What would your mask look like? Would it be a true representation of who you are? What would it show the world? If you took it off, what would be exposed?

As we grow up, we are constantly being fed opinions and attitudes from other people. Some of the negative ones stick, so we might start to create a mask for ourselves, or try on different masks, in order to protect ourselves and survive. We don't want to be seen as any of the negative things that people have said about us in the past or that we think of ourselves now, such as 'failure', 'stupid', 'soft' to name just a few.

When you wear this mask, it becomes more and more uncomfortable as time goes on, but more and more difficult to remove, because people who know you only know you when you are wearing the mask.

It is important to recognise when you get older that wearing your mask brings limitations, and you may not feel as though you are living your life as the real you. You might feel trapped behind the facade and wish you could just 'be yourself'. It would be so much easier.

The fact is, it can be easier. You can remove the mask. You can acknowledge the fact that the mask you once needed to survive in the world is something you no longer need now. Why waste the rest of your life pretending to be someone you're not?  Live the life you want to live, not the life that other people expect you to live. Others live their lives being their true selves, and it doesn't matter to them what you think of them. Why should it matter to you what they think of you. 

Counselling can help you explore what's underneath the mask before braving it out in the real world. Discover the 'real you' is and accept yourself for who you are!

TRAPPED!

What does this word mean to you?

There are many different reasons why someone may feel trapped. Here are just a few:

Trapped: Stuck in a relationship that you want to escape from but can't.
Trapped: Stuck in a situation where it appears there is no way out.
Trapped: Overwhelmed with things that are happening in your life but can't see an end to it all.
Trapped: Lost in a hectic world when you can hardly even manage to wake up on a morning.
Trapped: At a complete standstill in life and feel like you don't know how to progress.
Trapped: In a stagnant job that doesn't fulfil you at all, but you don't have the courage to change.
Trapped: Unable to move forward in life due to financial difficulties.
Trapped: The feeling of having 'made your bed', now you feel you have to 'lie in it'.
Trapped: In an abusive relationship.
Trapped: Unable to live your life as the person you really want to be.
Trapped: By routine and/or responsibilities.
Trapped: Inside the body of someone you feel is not you.

As a counsellor, I can't change the situation you are in. I wish it was as simple as that. What I can do, however, is to help you understand the way you are feeling, make sense of yourself and the world around you and together we can work through it all. What may be a solution for others may not be right for you, so we would look at the best possible outcome for you in your unique situation and I would help you get there.

There is no need to struggle alone. Even if you have friends and family, it is often helpful to talk to someone who is independent of the situation you are in.

(If you are trapped and in danger right now, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 for immediate help)